I believe I am over food. I have begun to snap as the realization comes to me that I am going to have to stay off a lot of things until I am my desired mindset about my health. That is a long way away and I feel like I have all this growing up and maturing to do in my head. Meanwhile I have been professing on healthy food with my colleagues over the phone, as I work from home. I have been talking about how evolved I have gotten and how food doesn’t tempt me one bit (Such a whole lot of pretense). I remember saying the same to my health coach which is a whole lot of crap of course. The truth however is that I was thinking of popping that chocolate in my mouth when I was unwrapping it for little N and I have been toying with the idea of roasting some almonds (more than what is allowed) and salting it and having it while I Netflix. So I ran through the scenario very quickly in my head and realised there is no use of doing this since a few almonds and chocolates is not going to 'satiate' what I really feel about food. I am not going back to it.
My itch has gotten terrible in the past day. It has been on non-stop and I am almost ashamed to admit it. My health coaches have been wanting me to go consult a gynecologist and I know what that is going to lead to. I am going to be prescribed a medication for Diabetes and that's something I am going to construe as a personal loss.
So all in all its not going so good. I read to little N and O and they are oblivious to everything I am going through which is great coz I am trying to cheer up through them. My husband, like an absolute dear takes us for a lovely drive in the evening and I didn’t realize that while cribbing and self-loathing I have actually gotten past through another day of my health journey. As a celebration, I make a mental resolve to prepare something nice for myself to eat tomorrow morning!